I have lots of time on my side. Maybe that's the problem. In a society and a lifetime of only having small chunks of time to do things, I don't know how to manage all this time. I have so much time I don't want to do anything. I have become LAZY. Yes, lazy. I have had a year of basically doing what I would like with my time (if it is free). I would like to think if we had money I would have done more with my time, like learn something at a school in a classroom somewhere. But the reality is I have too much time on my hands to actually plan something. I know how that sounds. But this is how I feel! :)
I didn't realize how withdrawn and depressed/lonely/wandering around in a pit, I had become. That I am still in. Will finding a job fix this? NO. Will it help get me out of the house and become social and tear down some fears...Yes. The truest thing is working on my relationship with God. Nothing else matters. I keep thinking I can dig and climb out of this pit. But really I can't. Even with the finest tools. Only asking God to pull me out with get me unstuck. I need to find where I became so afraid and closed off to the world. Why I became so afraid of death, sickness and dying. Why does that grip me so tight? I know the truth and I know the life. I just need to start being honest with myself and God, and well this is my blog and I can make sense or no sense at all. That is the beauty of blogging!
On a lighter note...I made avocado ice cream....a really easy thing to do! I'm excited to try it and see how it turns out...I will let you know!
